Your dad is changing

Hi little one,

I know I did not write to you last week. I am updating my schedule, I will write to you every two weeks. If you are disappointed, then don't be because I am trying to focus on quality instead of quantity. I have been mostly advising you for the last couple of weeks. This time, it is a bit different, I need to reflect on my own thoughts, feelings, attitudes and philosophy of my life. Socrates rightly said "An unexamined life is not worth living" and I truly believe in that. Self-introspection is a powerful tool and we should use it from time to time.

Your dad has believed in certain principles until now. Love, romance, marriage, a happy family and all that. I would like to believe in all that in the future as well. But, I have been become more open towards other ways of leading my life. I am not so sure that I can spend my life with another person, give them all the love and happiness and grow old together. I have other things that I intend to do - music, poetry, film, photography and they keep me happy and occupied. I also like to keep my own company and have become somewhat less social. 

I have become quite liberated, I must say and exploring a different side to myself which I have kept suppressed all this while. But, this change has been quite scary and overwhelming for me as well. I do not know what the future holds, but I hope it is good. This change has been a result of catastrophic loss about a year back, which I haven't had the courage to tell you about - but soon I will.

Yours (a little bit confused),

Dad

P.S - The cycle of change above.

To play or to pass

Hi princess,

It is quite late here, but I have to keep sticking to the routine. I was wondering what to write today, but finally decided on a topic which has been bothering me quite recently. But first, apologies for the picture, which could have been edited better, but your old man is almost on the verge of falling asleep as he is typing this.

I have often given you the analogy of how life is a game of chess, where you make a move and the universe makes the next. The course of the game is what we call destiny. But, this game is quite different, because the universe is not trying to defeat us, sometimes it plays moves adversarial to our conditions, sometimes it does us a favour. 

Today, I have another question utmost importance - what if we want to skip a move and let the universe decide the next few moves and then resume playing. What if we are unable to make a decision about what move to play and just pass it on to the universe. Should we do that ? If yes, when and when not to do that. 

I confess I do not know the answer at this point, but maybe a few guidelines can help. If the uncertainty is too much and it just results in overburdening yourself with complicated thoughts and scenarios, maybe its time to let the universe decide. Sometimes, it can get overbearing for the human brain and heart to comprehend and calculate what to do with the limited information it gets. Another guideline, is to minimise hurting people and that includes you as well. If our move, hurts people, maybe its best to let the universe decide. If the decision is quite long term and irreversible, its best to to play the safe option, which is to let the universe decide or take some step which is very neutral and safe. 

Dads are supposed to be superheroes, but this question has me confused as well. If you come up with such a situation, maybe we can work out a play or pass on life's chessboard. Even better, you teach me how to make that move. :D

Love,

Dad

N.B - The picture signifies our boat on the sea of the universe. When do you let the waves take you and when do you steer the boat ? 

When Karma comes for you.

Hi princess,

It has been some time since I wrote to you. A few days ago it was Diwali, with lights and festivities all around. There were no such celebrations for me, but I enjoyed being part of the warmth all around. It has been an exhilarating week, with me discovering lots of important pieces of information about life. I discovered Buddhism and have never felt this happy or calm before. I just wanted to talk about one of the central features of Buddhism called Karma.

Modern young urban people often use the word karma in a very fancy way. You can see lots of Instagram and Facebook posts claiming "Karma is a bitch","Karma will get you". It seems as if there is so much hate and bile amongst us that Karma is some sort of vehicle for revenge. Karma is not merely a hashtag to be used against your fancy vacation photos or your stylish clothes. Karma is in the mind, your thoughts are also equally a part of karma. Your ill-will towards someone or hatred towards someone generates lots of negative karma for you. It is a very complex concept which is lucidly explained by Buddhist masters. Two points are very important in this regard.

Whenever someone hurts us, it is in fashion to say that Karma will get you. But, we say it in hatred and that itself generates bad karma for us. 

Karma will come for us too. We should not complain then by saying "Why is this happening to me? , "What have I done ? " .

My main point is you cannot expect Karma to work for someone you want and not for you. Karma is not your slave. It is a natural law. 

Karma works for us too, and our bad karma will catch up with us sooner or later. It is of no use blaming others then. My best advice to you would be to introspect about all the instances in your life when you generated bad Karma. Instances, where you could have been more kind and compassionate. You will find a reason for your sadness and it will also take away your anger because you would have an answer to the question "Why is this happening to me? ".

I hope you this gives you peace and calm in times of distress.

Yours lovingly,
Dad

The Feeling of Being Forgotten,Replaced,Ignored OR Athazagoraphobia

Hello princess,

The festival of Durga Pujo is over. It's time for people to get back to whatever they were doing. The intoxicating spell of revelry has passed. But, in the midst of all the celebration, I felt quite small and unimportant. It was to do with meeting up old friends, who really were not that enthusiastic about it. I think everybody wants to feel important to at least a few people. There's a popular quote nowadays and I think it's very true.

In the end, we all want someone who would choose us over everybody else every single time. 

I guess people drift away after a certain point of time. Physical separation is quite a significant factor. Even though we have all forms of communication to keep us updated round the clock about other people, it is sheer irony, that we drift apart all the more. Mohiner Ghoraguli's iconic song (Prithibi Ta Naki Choto Hote Hote) about drifting apart is very apt here. We meet certain people, they add value to our lives, but after a point, we leave them or they leave us. We meet new people again. This cycle goes on. We would be very fortunate to have a group of people with us all along.

Sometimes, we wonder why certain people have moved away. Many times, it may happen that we have pushed them away and we are not yet conscious of that fact. In such times, we must introspect on what we have done, and introspect really hard. If we find something, we should really try to apologize and try to correct our mistakes. But, even if we try to do so, a broken string will always have a knot. I think I have pushed people away due to my own stupidity. I should not complain about the world, but I sure can complain about myself.

If you ever find yourself in such a situation, try to correct yourself first before blaming others for moving away. If you find something wrong you have done in the past, try to make up for it. A person who wants to stay in your life will always welcome you back again. If not, then it is sad, but in the long run, you are better off without that person. Besides, daddy will always love you.

Always. :')

Yours lovingly,
Dad

The Importance of Reaching Out

Hello darling,

Today is Dashami. The victory of good over evil. The victory of light over darkness. I had quite an interesting thought today. Somewhat related to the previous line. It's about how we forget the light in people and only see their dark and negative sides.

I went out today with my friends from college. We had drifted apart for quite some time, due to physical distance and also our busy lives. I noticed that the further we drifted apart, the more cynical and apprehensive we got of each other. We remembered the negative parts about the people more than the positive parts. But after we went out today, we had a great time and we forgot about all that we didn't like the other person. I think reaching out to people can clear a lot of difficulties. In the professional side, it can avoid a lot of misunderstanding. On the personal front, it can really rejuvenate a relationship. In a way, it was the victory of clear thought which lighted our way out of the narrow dark tunnel vision we had.

I think anytime, you find yourself not thinking right about a person or being angry or disappointed about the person and you don't know what's wrong, we should always spend some time with that person. We can do this until a point of time though. If the other person doesn't cooperate with us in our effort to clear up the situation we should back off after a certain point of time. Knowing when is the trick. Sometimes, we let our ego take centre stage and allow it to act on our behalf. We refuse to talk to that person. I also think knowing the difference between ego and self-respect is very important. 

Sorry if this letter raises more questions than answers, but I just wanted to discuss this with you.

Yours lovingly,
Dad

Am I losing myself ?

Hello baby,

There's just so much daddy wants to talk to you about. So many thoughts swirling in his head and crashing like waves against rocks. I think daddy is losing himself, he is becoming something who he isn't. Sometimes, you sit up and wonder whether you are the same person after a traumatic incident. It may not be trauma in the eyes of the world, but for you it is. It's like a storm which just refuses to die down. It may be you lost your job or your house or a person very close to you.

Today is Navami, I shouted on a close friend pretty terribly. I felt so terrible, so awful. I see all these couples lovey-dovey in each other's arms. 4 years ago, your daddy was also like that. But then, nevermind. I think it hurt me so badly in the subconscious that I let it out by shouting terribly on her. Everybody wants to see me like I was- jolly, cheerful and cracking jokes all the time. But, I just cannot be that person anymore. I still retain glimpses of it, but somehow a different me just creeps in. I am not the same person anymore. 

I don't know if you are having the same problems right now, but I think it is important to be certain and quite sure of the kind of person you are. Self-knowledge is pretty important. What you like, or don't like. The kind of person you are, change that knowingly only for the better. Circumstances do change people, but I think after some time, they get back to what they were in the first place. I hope something of that sort happens to you too and you find yourself again, much stronger, much better and most importantly much happier.

Yours lovingly,
Daddy