Did you really forgive ? Do you really want a person to be happy ?

Hi darling,

It has been a few days since I wrote to you. Hope you are happy right now. If not, just remember that hate begets hate. The only way to end hate is love and compassion. It is true not only on a personal level but also between families, communities and even nations. Anyways, we often need to forgive someone, and sometimes it becomes really really hard to do just that. Sometimes, the people aren't even sorry. But, we often need to, for our own good. I just realized something about forgiveness and whether we really forgive someone or not.

Vengeance and hatred towards a person is like holding a burning coal in your hands waiting to throw it at that person. You burn yourself first. This is a remarkable insight from the Buddha. Forgiving the person is the only way to attain peace. I think if we really have forgiven a person and want a person to be happy, we need to answer the following question.

If you could control fate, would you always keep that person happy throughout their lives ?

If we are 100% sure that the answer to the above question is a resounding YES for a person, we truly want that person to be happy. If you are not so sure, then you still hold some grudges against that person. Often, we forgive a person, on the basis that I personally forgive you, but fate will take care of you. This is not complete forgiveness, this is partial forgiveness. You want that person to be hurt to teach him/her a lesson. You may have cooled down your flames of anger, but the hot ash is still there.

The same goes if you really want to know if you REALLY care for a person. Hope, this helps when you are in doubt over someone.

Yours lovingly,
Dad

P.S - For you, it will always be a BIG YES for me. Always :)

The lion is the king of the jungle. But, is it the happiest ?

Hi princess,

Every human being at some point of time in their lives, questions the meaning of happiness. So many brilliant thinkers, philosophers, artists, scientists and poets have constantly engaged with the question of "What it means to be happy? " If you are currently at the same stage, do NOT get anxious. Take a deep breath and read on.

Our modern society unable to comprehend the true meaning of happiness has designed several indirect or proxy ways to measure it. Wealth, fame and power are some of the yardsticks we choose to measure happiness. We are surrounded by advertisements telling us to buy that life insurance to lead a tension free life, to drink that can of coke to feel refreshed, to take a an exotic holiday, to buy that shiny car to experience pure control or even more ridiculously, to buy those elegant sanitation fittings to achieve some kind of harmony in life. All products and services give us temporary happiness and leave us wanting more of it. Although there is some correlation of happiness with these parameters, they do not tell the whole picture.

Wealth has a linear relationship with happiness, in the initial stages. But, after our basic needs as a person in a society are satisfied, I think it increasingly becomes less and less relevant. Fame may elevate our mental image of ourselves to great heights. But, when we come to realize that most of today's "fame" is fake, we see the impermanence of it all. As for power, Spiderman said it best " With great power, comes great responsibility."

We see so many powerful, famous and wealthy people lead unhappy lives, yet we do not learn.  Do not be "forced into happiness" by seeing people get new jobs, getting degrees from the best places, or getting married or having children. There is no single key or definition of happiness, it depends on us and us alone. You define your own happiness.

The lion may be the king of the jungle, but is it the happiest? Maybe we are not lions, but tortoises or owls in the jungle of life. There are happy tortoises and owls and giraffes and so on. You do not need to be a lion to be happy. 

I think whenever, you find questioning the meaning of happiness, do not look at the outside world. Ask yourself, ask inside. The world will give you all kinds of answers which won't make sense to you. But, your mind and your heart know the true answer already.

Yours lovingly,
Dad

P.S - You make me the happiest person on earth. :)

When Karma comes for you.

Hi princess,

It has been some time since I wrote to you. A few days ago it was Diwali, with lights and festivities all around. There were no such celebrations for me, but I enjoyed being part of the warmth all around. It has been an exhilarating week, with me discovering lots of important pieces of information about life. I discovered Buddhism and have never felt this happy or calm before. I just wanted to talk about one of the central features of Buddhism called Karma.

Modern young urban people often use the word karma in a very fancy way. You can see lots of Instagram and Facebook posts claiming "Karma is a bitch","Karma will get you". It seems as if there is so much hate and bile amongst us that Karma is some sort of vehicle for revenge. Karma is not merely a hashtag to be used against your fancy vacation photos or your stylish clothes. Karma is in the mind, your thoughts are also equally a part of karma. Your ill-will towards someone or hatred towards someone generates lots of negative karma for you. It is a very complex concept which is lucidly explained by Buddhist masters. Two points are very important in this regard.

Whenever someone hurts us, it is in fashion to say that Karma will get you. But, we say it in hatred and that itself generates bad karma for us. 

Karma will come for us too. We should not complain then by saying "Why is this happening to me? , "What have I done ? " .

My main point is you cannot expect Karma to work for someone you want and not for you. Karma is not your slave. It is a natural law. 

Karma works for us too, and our bad karma will catch up with us sooner or later. It is of no use blaming others then. My best advice to you would be to introspect about all the instances in your life when you generated bad Karma. Instances, where you could have been more kind and compassionate. You will find a reason for your sadness and it will also take away your anger because you would have an answer to the question "Why is this happening to me? ".

I hope you this gives you peace and calm in times of distress.

Yours lovingly,
Dad

The story of the lifeboat.

Hi darling,

It has been a long time since Daddy wrote to you. Hope, everything is right in school. I think we should plan a vacation soon. Somewhere really warm. It would be good for me and you too. Daddy has had a couple of bad days recently. He doesn't know what he is doing with his life. Directionless and purposeless. I think everybody has that phase sometime in their lives. Today, I just want to tell you a little story. It's a story you should read when people leave you, knowingly. When anybody leaves you, knowing that you will be hurt beyond measure.

The story of the lifeboat.

There was a deep dark ocean. In the middle of the ocean, there was a yellow lifeboat. Waves lashed around it, rocking it to and fro. But, it remained steady. It had to. Because there was a man in it. He held onto the lifeboat for his life. It was his only way to survive, in these unforgiving waters. The lifeboat knew that it had to keep the man safe until they reached the shore.

But, suddenly the sweet songs of a mermaid reached the ears of the man. The lifeboat heard it too. The man went crazy. He had to hear those songs better, he had to find the mermaids. The man jumped into the water and swam away to the music of the mermaid. The lifeboat was powerless, what could it do. It couldn't save the man. It wandered alone on the ocean. All alone.

After days and nights, of almost being broken into two. After hours and hours of baking under the scorching sun. It found the shore. The people there repaired it and painted it anew. It even became a fishing boat for a young man, helping him catch his fish and keeping him happy. The lifeboat became an indispensable part of the man's life and he took good care of it.

But, what happened to the man who went after the mermaids? He drowned and settled into the depths of the sea.

Hope you find warmth and comfort.
Hope you become happy again.

Yours lovingly,
Dad

Should we "invest" in people like stock markets ?

Hello little darling,

How's my little princess doing tonight? Daddy's life is currently at a standstill. He doesn't know where to go, what to do. But earlier, it was kind of very tumultuous and confusing. Now, it is more peaceful. Nothing has changed on the outside but inside its quiet and calm. I just watch books and movies all day. Leaves me with a lot of time to spare. I had this one thought creeping up my mind.

Should we spend our time and energy on people like stock markets?

There are quite a few similarities and also dissimilarities between people and stocks. Let's put the similarities first.

1. People just like stocks are quite unreliable. Human mood and mind are subject to some real quick changes not unlike the stock market.
2. Everybody wants to get associated with the uprising hotshot people or stocks. Nobody cares when it is falling or failing. 
3. You have limited time/energy or money, so we should choose wisely. Great investments can yield great returns and vice versa.
4. You have different types of friends, just like different kinds of stocks in different sectors. You have work friends, college friends, school friends, neighbour friends. 

Now, for the dissimilarities. 

1.  Investing in stocks in optional. But almost everyone needs friends to live.
2.  Emotional losses are more significant than monetary ones.

You spend your time and energy on a person, you enjoy the companionship. You expect warmth and support in return. Similarly, you invest in stocks and expect a return. In financial markets, there's a very common saying. 

Don't put all your eggs in one basket.

That is, invest in many stocks to minimize the risk of loss. In case of people, however, the advice is completely opposite.

Have a few close friends. That's all we need. 

But, what if it is better to invest a little time and energy in quite a lot of friends, just like the stock markets. Investing in one person has huge rewards, but if the person leaves, it has a disastrous aftermath. But continued investment in one person minimizes the chance of risk to some extent. More on this later.

Bye for now, sweetheart.

Yours always,
Dad

 

The Feeling of Being Forgotten,Replaced,Ignored OR Athazagoraphobia

Hello princess,

The festival of Durga Pujo is over. It's time for people to get back to whatever they were doing. The intoxicating spell of revelry has passed. But, in the midst of all the celebration, I felt quite small and unimportant. It was to do with meeting up old friends, who really were not that enthusiastic about it. I think everybody wants to feel important to at least a few people. There's a popular quote nowadays and I think it's very true.

In the end, we all want someone who would choose us over everybody else every single time. 

I guess people drift away after a certain point of time. Physical separation is quite a significant factor. Even though we have all forms of communication to keep us updated round the clock about other people, it is sheer irony, that we drift apart all the more. Mohiner Ghoraguli's iconic song (Prithibi Ta Naki Choto Hote Hote) about drifting apart is very apt here. We meet certain people, they add value to our lives, but after a point, we leave them or they leave us. We meet new people again. This cycle goes on. We would be very fortunate to have a group of people with us all along.

Sometimes, we wonder why certain people have moved away. Many times, it may happen that we have pushed them away and we are not yet conscious of that fact. In such times, we must introspect on what we have done, and introspect really hard. If we find something, we should really try to apologize and try to correct our mistakes. But, even if we try to do so, a broken string will always have a knot. I think I have pushed people away due to my own stupidity. I should not complain about the world, but I sure can complain about myself.

If you ever find yourself in such a situation, try to correct yourself first before blaming others for moving away. If you find something wrong you have done in the past, try to make up for it. A person who wants to stay in your life will always welcome you back again. If not, then it is sad, but in the long run, you are better off without that person. Besides, daddy will always love you.

Always. :')

Yours lovingly,
Dad